"...Ewan Awe" to play toilet gig at Kubla

Kahn's

Award winning U2 tribute band - "...Ewan Awe" - will be 

appearing at Kubla Khan's restroom facilities this 

Friday, in support of the Lady's Rest-Room Refurbishment

Project

Front-man Bungle (clapping) said 

"It's nice an absolute honour to be asked to help out! 

Everyone's aware that the Rest-room at Sid's Kubla Khan's...

is an abomination and unspeakably awful  ....

...needs a lick of paint and a bit of TCP, and any way we can

help out, we will".

Band member, tiler and full-time funster 

Zippy "The Radge" Begsbie added "FUCKIN' BOG's A DISGRACE! See if ah git ma haunds on that

 Kubla Khan cunt  or Fuckin' Sid ur whitiver thi CUNT'S CAUD!...!...

The Radge continued

...Ah'll fukin' let um ken whit Ah hink ae 'is  "REST" FUCKIN'! "ROOM"!!...

Please don't annoy the lads whilst they are working.

In the interests of safety, please do what the boys ask you to

do, as they're the experts.

Please don't use the rest rooms whilst ...Ewan Awe* are 

working.

*...Ewan Awe, are available for weddings, Bar Mitzvahs and

all your plumbing needs.

British-backed assassin of IRA members named...

British-backed killer - "STEAK-KNIFE", Identified

NAMED AS "SCHREIBER"

Described as "Deadly"

First pic of Steak-knife (Under cover)...

Blanket-coverage...

Calls for less blanket-coverage...

Mole discovered (on Oven-Cleaners head)...

MI5 Man Sheamus [REDACTED] speaks out..........

......................"Steak-niife stobbed mae in da fookin'  BACH! Eye hope ehh gats foekt an du

 urrse (see pic) ivry daay fur de wrist uv ee's fookin' lieff!! Sew ah doo.

Steak-knife - Forked

Locals blame "Scottish & Newcastle Breweries"...

"Scottish & Newcastle Breweries", blame "parents"...

"Parents" blame "Dug"...

Dug blames "Doug"...

"Doug" blames "drugs"...

...Dug says "jist say naw tae drugs - Choose life"...

Pusher says "Naw! - Say Eye! tae drugs an' naw, tae dugs"...

Locals say "Naw! - Say aye tae rugs, but naw tae any snug-bugs, in thum".

Snug-bugs in rug, say "FUCK OFF! We were here first!".

Dug says - "SAWWh...sih-jizz".

Starvin' Marvin says " ...............Whit it is is: Ah've cum oot wee'oot ma bus-fare right? 'n' a knee'ee get'ae thi joab cen'ur see? 'n'....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................so kin yea help us oot? ...mate...?...

...............'n' ah nee'ae get food fur Bullet................see what it is........................Social..........pure shite!.............................................."

Starvin' Marvin confesses to being British-backed IRA assassin "Steak-knife", 

"..........................It wus me, ah done it, I assassinated aw ae thum... Listen mate - niver min' aw  that - Wit it is, is..........

Mole blames "Out-of-control", "Aggresive" tumour on testicle.

Testicle punches mole

Steak-knife goes back under cover.

Mole goes underground.

Bullet Bites Man

SAW...SIH-JIZZ

Bullet goes underground

...'s'ma fault...Ah'm tae blame....

David Dickinson's Chip-price comparison website

WELCOME TO THE DAVID DICKINSON CHIP-PRICE

 COMPARISON WEBSITE.

PUT YOUR CHIP-PRICE COMPARISON RELATED 

QUESTIONS TO DAVID NOW...

ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED - LIVE

• What exactly are cheap chips?
• Where can I get cheap chips? How cheap can chips be?
• Have you eaten all the chips you talk about?
• Does David Dickinson Chip-Price Comparison Enterprises appear on other ---------Chip-price comparison websites?
• Who appointed you the nation's, Chip-price comparison website expert?
• Do you deny being a friend of Jimmy Saville's?
• Are there any aspects of chips - Other than Cheapness - That you compare?
• Do you compare Oven-Chips?
• How do Scottish Chip-price Comparison websites, compare to Chip-price Comparison websites elsewhere?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr Dickinson's Live Q & A has now ended.

If you would like David to compare Chip-prices in your area, send us an email describing, in your own words, how you feel about chip-prices in your neighbourhood and how - Given the chance - You would go about comparing them.

David Dickinson Chip-Price Comparisons are estimates only. No guarantee can be given that comparisons are accurate.

David Dickinson Chip-Price Comparison Enterprises regrets that no chip-price comparisons are possible without actual chips(not pics)

No correspondence can be entered into.

David Dickinson Chip-Price Comparison Enterprises, do not compare chip-prices in The Scottish islands or Northern Ireland.

---------------------------------------------

----------------------------

-------------

-----

-

David Dickinson Chip-Price Comparison Enterprises

Recommends

Joy-Division Oven-gloves, for all your oven-chip handling needs.

Joy Division

Joy-Division Oven-Gloves

MAN URINATES ON CIVIL-RIGHTS LEADER

A large crowd gathered in Washington yesterday,to hear Black-Civil-Rights leader Dr Martin Luther King speak.

After some introduction'ry chat, Dr King started to tell the crowd about a dream he was having, when a man rushed from the crowd(estimated at 2 million) and urinated on him.

Dreamin'

The gathering broke up and people went home wondering what the dream might have been about...

Dream interpreter

Big gay wedding

BIG GAY WEDDING

It's all been very - hush-hush ask no questions -  This (So called) Wedding of the year, but

The Digger's 

managed to get hold of these exclusive shots from the big day...

Fig 1 - Jerry Khan of "Khan Do! Compo" -- Bastard son of Greek singer Demis Roussos 

and Mrs Ali Khan of Govanhill...

Jerry Khan 

Married

Fig 2 -- Sheamus O'Mally(aka Shaman Ohm Ali) of Peterhead prison -- Bastard son...of 

(not known).

Fig 3 -- Colonic Kev of "Kuhbla Kahn's GIFFNOCK"

 Officiated...

And was

              Best Man and Congregation and gave


                                       The Couple....

Away.

Fig 4 -- After The Ceremony, the couple appeared on 

"This Morning" with Eamonn and (forgotten her name)...

Alongside...

Fig 5 -- Failed Colon-Scourer and notorious scammer

Scrubber "Debbie Harry" 'Arris...

Scrubber 'Arris

Who laughed at the suggestion she had tried to extort money from Jerry Khan by posing as

Seamus O'Mally (or Shaman Ohm Ali)

Music was by  --  MICK CAVE  & THE GOOD FEEDS

Mick Cave &

The Good Feeds

SECURITY BY -- SHREDDED SID(Oven Cleaner)

 Oven Cleaner

-----------------